101 Two Cows

DEMOCRATIC:

You have two cows. Your neighbour has none. You feel guilty for being successful.

REPUBLICAN:

You have two cows. Your neighbour has none. So?

SOCIALIST:

You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbour. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST:

You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get your milk and it is expensive and sour.

CAPITALIST AMERICAN STYLE:

You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY AMERICAN STYLE:

1) You have two cows.

Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pour the milk down the drain.

2) You have two cows.

You sell one, lease it back to yourself and o an IPO on the 2nd one.

AMERICAN CORPORATION:

You force the two cows to produce the milk for four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Now your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION:

You have your two cows but you go on strike because you want three cows. Then you go to lunch and drink wine. Life is good for you.

JAPANESE CORPORATION:

You redesign your two cows so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. The cows learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most of these cows are at the top of their class in cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION:

You engineer your two cows so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION:

You have two cows but you don’t know where they are. While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman and you break for lunch. Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION:

You have your two cows and you have some vodka too. After you had the vodka you count the cows and you learn that now you have five cows. You have some more vodka and you count the cows again and learn that now you have 42 cows.

The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION:

You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two. You don’t milk them because you cannot touch any creature’s private parts. You get a $ 40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.

IRAQI CORPORATION:

You have two cows and the cows go into hiding. They send radio tapes of their mooing.

POLISH CORPORATION:

You have two bulls and your employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

BELGIAN CORPORATION:

You have one cow and this cow is schizophrenic. Sometimes this cow thinks she is French, other times she is Flemish. The Flemish cow won’t share with the French cow. The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow’s milk. The cow asks permission to be cut in half. The cow dies happy.

SCOTTISH CORPORATION:

You like to watch cows on the internet whenever you get a minute’s break from work and that is your favourite thing to do. After watching the internet cows too long you get confused. You wished you had some real cows to look at and often visit farms in your neighbourhood.

BRITISH CORPORATION:

All your cows belong to the queen and you just get to manage them and when dairy prices go up you blame it on the monarchy and try to hurt or kill them.

SPANISH CORPORATION:

You have many cows because you dream of bull fighting in the work week and you want the cows to have many baby bulls so you can go bull fighting on the weekends.

FLORIDA CORPORATION:

You have a black cow and a brown cow and everyone voted for the best looking one. Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can’t figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow.

CALIFORNIA CORPORATION:

You have millions of cows. They make real California cheese. Only five of the millions of cows speak English and most cows are illegals. Arnold likes the ones with the big udders!

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