84 Jokes To Offend Everyone

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?

*Juan on Juan

What is a Yankee?

*The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?

*The position of the dirt bag

Why is divorce so expensive?

*Because it’s worth it.

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?

*Doughnuts

Why is air a lot like sex?

*Because it’s no big deal unless you’re not getting any.

What do you call a smart blonde?

*A golden retriever.

What do attorneys use for birth control?

*Their personalities.

What’s the difference between a girlfriend and wife?

*10 years and 45 lbs

What’s the difference between a boyfriend and husband?

*45 minutes

What’s the fastest way to a man’s heart?

*Through his chest with a sharp knife

Why do men want to marry virgins?

*They can’t stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and goodlooking?

*Because those men already have boyfriends.

What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog?

*After a year, the dog is still excited to see you

Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

*The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

Why don’t bunnies make noise when they have sex?

*Because they have cotton balls.

What’s the difference between a porcupine and BMW?

*A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?

*Are you sure it’s mine?

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?

*Mace will do that to you.

Why do drivers’ education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?

*Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?

*A different bar.

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?

*A speech impediment

What’s the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?

*A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with… ‘a recipe’.

How do you get a sweet 80-year-old lady to say the F word?

*Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

What’s the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?

*A northern fairytale begins ‘Once upon a time ..’ – A southern fairytale begins ‘Y’all ain’t gonna believe this shit…

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