You might be a teacher if…
* You want to slap the next person who says “It must be nice to have all those holidays!”
* You can tell it’s a full moon without looking outside.
* When out in public, you feel the urge to talk to strange children and correct their behaviour.
* You can ‘hold on’ until after lunchtime yard duty.
* You can go to the loo, take a phone call, have a conference with a colleague, tend to first aid and have a cup of coffee in 20 minutes.
* You check for spelling and punctuation errors in every piece of writing you see.
* You walk around shopping centres wearing face paint, stickers and a daisy chain, and don’t even notice the stares.
* You look 50 before you are 30.
* You can’t pick a name for your unborn child as every name reminds you of a student.
* When you can’t get your friends to listen to you, you put your hands on your head or clap or flick the lights off.
* You rate the educational value of cartoons.
* You count you life in periods of ten weeks (depending on term length).
* You can’t go anywhere without thinking ‘what a great place for an excursion!’
* You cringe at the way bank tellers grip their pens.
* You don’t know the date, but you know it’s day 5, week 4, term 4.
* You believe the staffroom should have a Valium salt lick.
* You believe that unspeakable evil will befall if someone says “gee, the kids sure are mellow today.”
* Meeting a child’s parents instantly answer ‘why is this child like this?’
* You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac.
* You get a warm inner glow when just one child says “thank you for helping me.”